Beetlegeuse

So yea, I want these

Eyes on Fire Lyrics

I’ll seek you out,
Flay you alive
One more word and you won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
I see right through you any hour

I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain

I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace

I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain

Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze

And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace

Felling any foe with my gaze
Steadily emerging with grace
Felling any foe with my gaze
Steadily emerging with grace

 

*perfect*

Suddenly, my life makes perfect sense

I love to write. I have always known I was supposed to use my ability to do so as a means to connect with other people. When I write publicly, I try to take personal experience, without getting too detailed, and make connections with other human beings, to relate.

Well, there has never been a moment in which I’ve been this honest with myself, ever before in my life, and why I feel compelled to share this I do not know. Maybe because I think people need to accept things for what they are, maybe because I need to validate it for myself. Maybe a thousand reasons.

Tonight, in a conversation with my sister, we realized something. The truth, about who we are, and that unconditional love is real.

I have now spent 29 years of my life trying to feel some connection to either of my parents, my sister 27 years of hers. The truth is, we have put more effort into that connection than either of them. WHY? How could you not make an effort, how could you not take responsibility?

It is clear to me now! How have I not realized this before now.

My mother was 17 when she became pregnant with me – I was obviously not planned. In fact, there was a moment during the panic of discovering her pregnancy that abortion was even an option. That is how ‘not’ planned I was. So, after a lot of drama and tears, my parents decided to keep me, and at an incredibly young age got married. They loved one another, but it was a young, naive, immature love. My mother was MADLY in love with my father, the musician…. but it caused her to act like a crazy person and drove him out of love with her. I think he probably fell out of love with her as quickly as he fell into love with her… I’m considering their ages here and that is only realistic.

By the time my mother became pregnant with my sister 2 years later, I was already spending most of my time going back and forth between my Grandparents. They divorced when I was 3.5 ish? But I don’t have any memories of them together or of us as a family. Nothing against my father, but he basically ditched… and now, as a woman getting ready to turn 30, I realize WHY. I understand why I’ve never felt close to him… because he honestly and whole heartedly just did NOT want to be with my mother, and maybe didn’t from the beginning, he was just young and infatuated with her (what can I say, she was freaking GORGEOUS and full of talent, wit, humor, etc)…. and she was doubly infatuated with him because he was the popular musician with 50 girls chasing after him when the stage lights shut off after every show. She probably drove him NUTS, I mean come on, he was 20 years old! So I understand (FINALLY). I get it. Not that they didn’t want me, but to a degree, they didn’t.

Typical, young love. Crazy love.

To shorten a very long story, my Grandparents raised me. Period. My parents just weren’t available, and I have no concept of what either maternal OR paternal love feels like; yet I love them both. But this recent acknowledgement of where their heads probably were when I came along, makes me see myself in an entirely different light and I feel a sense of identity that I have NEVER felt. Even looking at photographs of myself right now as I sit here, I feel like a completely different person. I feel like the mystery and the questions are gone.

I love my parents dearly. I feel a duty and sense of respect. Ever being close to either of them, ever relying on them… probably not going to happen unless they let go of their guilt from giving up on what they were blessed with. I feel their guilt; it seeps out in nearly every conversation I’ve ever had with them. I’ve heard a thousand apologies and shed a thousand tears. Probably more than a thousand tears. But HOLY SHIT…. I made it, I did it. I am standing on my own two feet regardless of some of the hell I’ve seen and felt as a child. What my sister feels is probably an even deeper cut being a more passive creature, whereas I have always been the type of girl who wants things so badly that I just go for it and not let a single thing stand in my way, to a degree that it can be blinding at times. Including the belief that I was never a mistake, which I believe now moreso than ever.

Maybe they feel guilty for feeling like we were mistakes, but that is THEIR struggle, their burden, and they can let that go now. I know better. I could dig deeper with this and I’m sure a lot more writing will come out of this, maybe not to such a personal degree, but perspective has been given. I don’t know how many times over the years I’ve asked myself the question “what is wrong with me?” or had a fear of acceptance. Nothing is wrong with me…. I am a strong-willed, persistent, passionate, loving, caring person who has been carrying a lot of pain. I know there are more of you out there who feel angry about something, maybe the anger is even directed towards someone specific.

Let it go….. free yourself! Of course history has shaped you, but do you want to be someone who goes around looking for excuses? Regardless of what happens next, I know that I love my parents despite the distance between us, and I understand how they are feeling. A lot has happened this year and I know they want to be closer with my sister and I than they are, they just don’t know how to reach out because they don’t know who we are. How sad!

Communication. This is the answer. I think they need to know that I am aware of possibly the ONE truth that they left out, and that is they were never TRULY in love. Its fucking okay. I need to tell them this, and especially my father. Its time to put an end to this ridiculous charade, there are steps to be taken and pardon my use of the good ‘ole eff word once again, but if it fucking has to be me then so be it. I’ll just have to point out how the idiocy of pretending we don’t know has only created more distance.

The truth really does set you free. Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful, new day. And when I press ‘publish’ I will probably think to myself “why on Earth did I write that?!” but only for a moment. People write books and search for publishers so they can reach people… but for me, I write because its a part of the way I experience life, so be it. If you don’t like it, DON’T READ IT! Not to sound rude, but I really am a girl who knows what she wants, and (generally speaking) I know how to get it. It’s hard work, it takes some courage, but what is there to lose? Sometimes it even takes more patience than we think we have. But what it boils down to is…. SEEK. Seek for something more, thirst for it, believe it, find it, acknowledge it, and learn how to deal with it once you find it – even if it wasn’t what you were looking for!

Its going to work out, because even what we can’t grasp eventually turns into something else that we CAN latch onto.

Have a lovely week.
<3

Introducing, The New Me, and The New You

Everything is new. Everything is exactly the same, yet brand new. I woke up with a fresh pair of wings, it was raining glitter over my bed, and the fragrance of lilies was undeniable  – not really, but if I allow myself to believe that it happened, then it did. This is the new me. His light is infectiously coating all that surrounds me.

“Go away.” I actually spoke this when I got out of bed today, the second my worries started to whisper doubt into my ear, and the craziest thing happened. All the fog that has been clouding my vision stayed right where it is, but I started to trudge through it. Everything is right where it should be. I am right where I should be. Things aren’t so complicated afterall. In fact, things are amazing.

What happens when we start allowing other people’s actions to bring question into our own perceptions? One of two things: 1) We become insecure and full of doubt…… or 2)We allow those questions to help us realize something new about ourselves and the world, and become enlightened. The difficult thing to accept is… it is NOT anyone else’s fault when we experience doubt. Unfortunately, it is self-inflicted. However….. you can choose to rid yourself of negative things, negative people, and negative situations that act as a catalyst to these types of feelings.You can choose to be proud of who you are and what you are. You can choose to be thankful for the life that you have. You can choose to make things happen. You can choose not to allow anything to hinder your stride, in fact, you can even choose to elongate your stride in spite of the obstacles in your path.

Intellect, Respect, and Common Sense

Knowledge is attainable, yes.. common sense is innate, most of the time.. but it can be conditioned and improved upon for sure. Although these are individual traits, they HAVE to work cooperatively in order for a person to truly be “wise” in my humble opinion. Now, I’m not saying that people who are smart enough to get on Jeopardy lack common sense, necessarily. I’m just saying that… if you are going to present an argument, your own ideas and observations should at least compliment the facts or you just end up sounding jumbled and pretentious, and one certainly is not superior to another human being because he/she knows more about the world’s discoveries. Things that exist and function were already there before anyone discovered or understood them;  therefore, Our Creator proves to be the official “genius” once again

I am referring to something specific and trying my best not to place judgment here, but I strongly oppose statements that belittle others, or put someone or a group of someones on a pedestal just to have something to say. Spoken words are much more poignant than a given thought (obviously) but I really do think there are people who have a habit of not thinking things through before they speak, and that’s okay sometimes because spontaneity can turn out to be passionate as well as impulsive.  Over time I have learned that being quiet and observant is sometimes a better idea depending on the situation.  Even totally abandoning a situation or argument altogether isn’t as difficult as I used to think.  AND it is possible to have a differing opinion without using disrespect to get that point across. Would you agree? Or am I, by making this statement, doing the same thing? I hope not but who knows, someone out there might think so haha.

I have a terrible memory when it comes to particulars and details of historic events, names, places that events occurred. I admit to having a selective memory, and to usually only remembering things and people who make some sort of overall impact; otherwise it’ll probably go out the window in a few weeks. There is nothing I despise more than someone at a family function suggesting we pull out good old Trivial Pursuit. Actually, I take that back… I love playing that game because I end up laughing my butt off at some of the (wrong) answers we come up with (especially me). Being wrong isn’t fun, but then again, it can be.

We exist and experience the world according to our individual state of mind, we shine when we are willing  to let someone else have the spotlight, we grow when we allow God to do the talking and believe what he says above any word man has ever uttered.

A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma

http://intelligentdesign.podomatic.com/player/web/2008-11-24T16_26_19-08_00

A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma

The Conscious Mind: In Search of a Fundamental Theory. By David J. Chalmers. Oxford University Press. 414 pp. $29.95.

Reviewed by Stephen M. Barr

Physics cannot explain why an apple looks red. This will surprise some people, but it is a fact that can hardly be disputed. Physics does indeed tell us why an apple reflects red light and what red light is—an electromagnetic wave whose wavelength is between 620 and 700 nanometers. Biophysics can explain why different wavelengths of light affect certain retinal cells differently, and thus how the brain can tell one color of light from another.

But what is left to explain is why the apple looks red, the sensual experience of redness. Why is it that when I see light of 650 nanometers I do not experience the sensation of shocking pink or pale yellow, rather than red? Indeed, if mechanical devices can distinguish wavelengths of light without having sensations, then why do I experience any sensation at all?

This is what philosophers nowadays call the problem of “qualia.” Physics deals exclusively with quantities: The equations of theoretical physics allow one to calculate only quantities, and the devices of experimental physics measure only quantities. But since one cannot reduce to numbers what it is like to have a toothache or a paper-cut, to taste licorice or smell a lilac, to hear a flute or fingernails on a chalkboard, it is impossible that these subjective experiences, these qualia, can be derived from any equation. As Erwin Schrödinger put it, “[While] all scientific knowledge is based on sense perceptions, the scientific views of natural processes formed in this way lack all sensual qualities and therefore cannot account for the latter.”

This problem of qualia is an important part of the larger “problem of consciousness” that is receiving increasing attention from both philosophers and scientists. Most scientific materialists, however, remain unable to admit that there is any problem whatever. Their dogma that all of reality is expressed in physics forces them to declare that anything about subjective experience underivable from physics must be unreal. The attitude of Niels Bohr is typical: “The question of whether [a] machine really feels or ponders, or whether it merely looks as though it did, is of course absolutely meaningless.”

This view of reality leads to various behavioristic conceptions of the mind. In the “logical behaviorism” of Gilbert Ryle, the mind is analyzed in terms of dispositions to behave in certain ways. In the less crude “functionalism” put forward in the 1960s, internal mental states—though acknowledged to exist—are defined in terms of their role in causing behavior: produced by certain stimuli, they interact with other internal states and tend to lead to certain behavior. There is nothing in all of this that cannot be applied to the internal states of a computer, or indeed of a microwave oven.

To the extent that subjective experience is noticed at all by the modern materialist, it is dealt with—and eliminated—by the “identity theory,” according to which mental states and brain states are the same. This is the reigning orthodoxy in modern cognitive science. In the words of the philosopher Hilary Putnam, “It is no longer possible to believe that the mind-body problem is a genuine theoretical problem, or that a ‘solution’ would shed the slightest light on the world in which we live.”

David J. Chalmers, a young Australian-born professor of philosophy at the University of California-Santa Cruz has written a book saying that there really is a problem, that there really is something called consciousness, and that we really do not have even the beginnings of a theoretical understanding of it. His book has attracted considerable attention both within the academic world and in the popular press. That this should be so when he is merely arguing for something transparently obvious may seem odd, but we should be thankful, for we live in an age when the obvious has few partisans.

Chalmers accepts a great deal of the current orthodoxy. He has no doubt that a mechanistic account can be given of all of the behavioral “cognitive mind,” including our capacity to understand and to will. He certainly does not believe in a spiritual component in man. He does believe, however, that missing from the physicalist picture is the “phenomenal mind”: the realm of subjective experience and its sensual aspects, the qualia.

Building on the arguments of many philosophers, notably Frank Jackson and Saul Kripke, Chalmers makes the case very powerfully that physical science cannot explain qualia. He is forced, against his own admitted predispositions, to reject materialism and embrace what he dubs a “naturalistic dualism.” What makes his dualism naturalistic, he says, is that he posits no “transcendental element” (by which he probably means a soul or spirit). He believes that behavior can be entirely explained physically, and he thinks that consciousness can be naturally, though not physically, explained.

Chalmers makes some advance beyond people like Roger Penrose who suggest merely that consciousness cannot be explained by the presently known laws of physics: No physical laws, Chalmers argues, could ever explain qualia. But his own “natural explanation” that consciousness will be explained by “psycho-physical laws” remains unclear. What might such psycho-physical laws look like? They cannot be equations, for then they would no more explain qualia than do the laws of physics. Indeed they would be, in effect, just additional laws of physics. Indeed, there is a question of whether it makes sense even to talk about a “theory” of qualia: If a theory is something by which we understand, and a sensation something we feel, how can a theory ever capture sensation?

Chalmers creates an even greater difficulty for himself by his belief that all of behavior can be understood physically. He has to believe this because he takes it to be a fact that “the physical domain is causally closed” and therefore cannot be influenced by anything that lies outside of physics, such as the “phenomenal mind.” For him, consciousness is entirely passive, and he believes he thereby escapes the well-known conundrums of “interactionist dualism.”

He ends up, however, in a worse bind, for writing this book was a form of behavior, and there is no way, in his scheme, that his “phenomenal mind”—his experiences of qualia, his consciousness—can have had any influence on what his fingers typed. Indeed, they can have no influence on what he believes about consciousness, since belief for him lies in the behavioral and physically determined “cognitive mind.” To put it bluntly, if his non-interactionist dualism is right then he cannot know anything about consciousness and we cannot learn about it by reading his book. He struggles unsuccessfully with this problem:

One might conclude that the physical portion of me (my brain, say) is not justified in its belief [that I am conscious]. But the question is whether I am justified in my belief, not whether my brain is justified in its belief; . . . there is more to me than my brain. I know I am conscious, and the knowledge is based solely upon my immediate experience.

He may know more than his brain, but according to Chalmers’ own theory it is his brain that wrote the book. Indeed, his brain wrote those sentences, and I wonder how it wrote so knowledgeably about all the things that Chalmers knows and his brain does not.

The truth is that Chalmers need not have gotten into this predicament, for the physical world is not “causally closed.” For example, no physical reason can be given why a radioactive nucleus decays at this moment rather than that. Chalmers is fully conversant with the ideas of quantum theory, and so he hedges at one point: “The physical world is more or less causally closed, in that for any given physical event it seems there is a physical explanation ([leaving aside] a small amount of quantum indeterminacy).” The effects of quantum indeterminacy, however, are not necessarily small. In fact, the argument should be turned around, and was in an excellent article by the philosopher and physicist Avshalom Elitzur in 1989. We know from arguments like Chalmers’ that consciousness is not explicable entirely by physics. But consciousness clearly affects behavior, and in particular the behavior of people who worry aloud whether their consciousness is explicable entirely by physics! And therefore the physical domain cannot be causally closed. (Though Elitzur himself does not think quantum indeterminacy provides the causal opening.)

The problem of qualia and of consciousness bears out an observation made by Monsignor Ronald Knox in The Hidden Stream, where he noted that the supernatural mysteries of faith involve realities about which there is already a mystery at the natural level:

It’s not surprising that there is a problem of free will in revealed theology, because there is a problem of free will in common or garden philosophy. The mystery comes in just where you would expect it to come in; where there is a mystery anyhow. The way I have tried to put it . . . is that you may picture human thought as a piece of solid rock, but with a crevice here and there—the places, I mean, where we think and think and it just does not add up. And the Christian mysteries are like tufts of blossom which seem to grow in those particular crevices, there and nowhere else.

Before the mysteries of the Trinity and the Incarnation there is already the mystery of personality. Before the mystery of the Real Presence there is already the mystery of appearance and reality. Before the mystery of spirit, there is the mystery of mind. Chalmers is unaware of supernatural mysteries. Indeed, he is blind even to the natural mysteries of human freedom and rationality. He is concerning himself with things on the much lower level of mere sensation, which we have in common with brutes. Yet even here there is an enigma.

In Knox’s words, qualia are something about which we “think and think and it just does not add up.” Do the qualia pertain to the level of matter, in which case there is something about matter itself that escapes the laws of physics? Or do they pertain to spirit, in which case we should have to say that animals lack subjective experience? Or is there something between matter and spirit, above the merely physical, but below the rational? None of these ideas is easy to credit.

But whatever qualia are, they are real. And that alone tells us that simple-minded materialism cannot be right.

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Stephen M. Barr is Associate Professor of Physics at the Bartol Research Institute, University of Delaware.

On being powerfully intuitive, and a Natural Empath

Since I was a little girl, I knew I was different. The way I saw the world was much different than anyone, and the closest person to me as a young girl was my sister. I would describe some of my experiences to her, and when she did not completely grasp them, I knew for certain I was very different indeed, if my own kin was not in line with those types of experiences.

I don’t want to elaborate too much but have harboured these feelings secretly much of my life because anytime I speak it, I freak someone out. But I have come to accept these things and in the recent years have been trying to embrace them and not let them take me over.

I am a Natural Empath. I have very intense intuitive feelings. I have bouts of sleep paralysis in which the dreams relate to one another under a common feeling. I have even dreamed things that have come to pass. I have intense nightmares and have learned what triggers them. I have envisioned things during my waking life that have come to pass, and I have intense premonitions before I fall asleep at night – pretty much every single night. I instinctively know who I can trust, and who is questionable. I have gone through my life feeling as if I can see right inside of people, and understand them on a very deep level. I have experienced paranormal activity and energy [but do not seek to ever experience that again, for the record - it is no longer something of particular interest though it did intrigue me upon experiencing it]. When people come into my life unexpectedly, I know there is an ultimate significance. I have grown to not be as fearful of these experiences as I once was….. I have told a select few people about these experiences, my ex being witness to several of them, and he asked me kindly to not discuss my dreams with him anymore, so I did eventually stop. I won’t get into all the significance I think dreams have in our lives but I dont necessarily think its as cut and dry as reading a ‘dream book’ for explanations.. I think it goes much deeper than that! [That could potentially lead me into a thousand directions about the soul etc so I won't go there in this blog post, hah.]

Do I think I’m a psychic? NO. Not at all. I just think I am very in tune with my surroundings and with the way I experience humanity, emotion, and spirituality.

I am writing about this tonight because I just had a very powerful empathetic episode, and have been in deep reflection since. I take in the pain of others somehow and let it burden me. This seems silly to anyone who has never experienced something of this nature, but it is a very profound and even more difficult to explain. Sometimes I take on the pain of multiple individuals and don’t even take into consideration why I’m in a less than desirable mood on certain occasions.

Right now I have been harbouring the pain of three specific individuals, and now a fourth – my grandmother, who has been popping up more often in my dreams over the past year, and many of my dreams have taken place at her home/yard/etc.

When I was in her home over the Holidays I knew there was something she wasn’t telling us about her sickness. I could sense it with all of my being. I called my sister and told her about my belief that there is something more to her illness than what she is telling us. So I went into my grandmother’s room and when I sat on her bed I was overwhelmed with a notion that something was very wrong. I began to question her calmly and persistently, taking care to engage her kindly and without suggesting any worry on my part. Sure enough when everyone left the room, she told me some things that she has been hiding for several years. I really hope she will go back to the doctor. The next day,  she told us all that she was feeling better but I am certain she was trying to ease our worry. She has been in my dreams twice this week, lastnight particularly, she was in the fetal position curled up like a baby and very fragile looking, frail, sickly. It was disturbing to be quite honest.

This seriously is only a very small tip of an enourmous iceburg of experiences, and I have decided to start blogging some of my visions, dreams, and other experiences – without getting too heavy…. just sharing, mostly. I love sharing things – even if I appear to be completely insane. Think what you will. Had I not mentioned these things and you met me on the street you would have no idea, even though sometimes it is insanely overwhelming.

If you are someone I know [have met physically] and you would like to test me on this, I would be happy to let you know things I’ve picked up from your energy…… Because its a given that if we’ve been in contact, I’ve definitely picked up on your energy. Just ask – if I’m wrong, I’m wrong, but I’ll be glad to let you in on what my senses say about you. =)

I do try to pick up on the energy of people I meet online but it is much more difficult and less natural, although photographs of a person do help. Just to clarify – I’m not saying send me a pic and I’ll tell you something about yourself, I’m just saying if we have interacted and exchanged energy, most likely I have already assessed some things about you, even if its a web-based friendship that we have formed.

You don’t really want to know

*this was something I wrote to a man I dated last year.  I was just venting from a very raw place. Have you ever felt unaccepted? Rereading this, I really see a side of myself that makes me feel strong, even though I never said these exact words to him. Apparently I at least know what I want out of life, if nothing else.*

Maybe you are exactly like the disgustingly predictable men that I have encountered, and have been fooled by, in the past. Acting like someone you aren’t to get my attention, making empty promises, and then once you have me not doing a damn thing to nurture the relationship.

Maybe you saw the outside and let it blind you. Maybe you saw me as more than you hoped for.

Maybe you don’t really want to see what’s on the inside.

I have news for you all. There is more to me than what you see and there is a reason I have built up walls in the past. Reasons I am STILL overcoming, reasons that will haunt me for a long time.

There was a reason I opened myself to you but now it seems like it may have been a pointless attempt to trust myself with someone, and to trust someone else would let me in.

Maybe we really ARE too different.

Religion and spirituality only get in the way of people who LET IT. No one wants to take the blame anymore, they want to blame anything and everything else. I should be just as free to say what I feel as you and you make that impossible so don’t blame my beliefs as being in the way… blame your distorted, closed-minded perception of people who have faith in a Creator, and the fact you are too stubborn to listen to anything other than what YOU think is right (which it is impossible for anyone to be completely “right” about our existential emergence). There are millions of other people who think you are WRONG and they’re entitled to think so, but it doesn’t mean either of you are at fault for thinking differently. You haven’t heard me tell you that you’re wrong – not once. So I don’t know where your harshness is coming from, and your unwillingness to get to know this side of me that I have hidden for so long – especially when I am ready to sit with my legs crossed, elbow-on-knee-and-hand-on-chin, and intently listen to your opinions that rival mine just because I am that interested in you. Why are you not that enthralled by me, the way you were a mere 8 months ago? OH because you were just trying to win my heart then. Now that you have it, you just put it in the closet to collect dust.

I fear you may turn out to be another one of those people who is out to please yourself and doesn’t really give a rats ass about anyone else’s ideas, and I can’t waste my time with another ‘invincible little boy’ mentality as such.

Did you really read any of my blogs before we met? Cause you commented on so many of them and now they ‘annoy’ you. Interesting.

Here I am venting to myself and not you because you ignored me, then went to bed without telling me goodnight. Good Lord this is stupid. All because I sent you two Christian-influenced links that interested me and had some things on my mind that [to me] were very important and powerful.

Pardon me for opening up to you.

That is all I’ve ever wanted. Someone who will listen to the things I find astounding, someone who wants nothing in return, and someone who will respect my feelings, and share in the excitement of existing, and growing.  Never ever ever have I found all of those things in one man. My guess is its not gonna happen, cause if we don’t work out, I just don’t have the desire to search for it anymore.

Something Much Deeper

Even little white lies bring on trouble. Especially little white lies that you yourself have fallen for, that caused you to see something in a person that may have just been nothing more than an attempt to get what they wanted.

I guess it makes you reflect on your own behavior though… when you spit something out before you have time to think and then after you say it you do the whole hand-to-the-forehead thing. So who knows….

That’s all for tonight.

lots of busy

I am so thankful. I have had much to do so far this week and have felt pretty irritable to be honest… running behind on a couple things, etc. But I don’t have much room to complain, I realize this. So I won’t.

Tomorrow: duty calls at the studio! I’m going to head over there to take my lighting in and set it up for a session Friday. We have so much cleaning to do, and will be having new floors put in sometime in the next couple of weeks…. REALLY looking forward to getting in there and I will definitely document the before/after.

I’m just so excited I could burst.. even tho the majority of my work is location based.. having a ‘place of business’ is going to make a world of difference.

Kyler’s birthday is coming up on the 20th.. 7 years old! Wow. What is the gift this year? Well.. I got him a Wii. I thought maybe it would be something we could do together considering I can’t stand other video games other than Silent Hill games, hah, and we can’t exactly play those together just yet. I know it would scare him to DEATH! And when I asked him what he wanted for his bday, he told me… A Wii! So I did well this year; most often times the grandparents are the ones who end up getting him the BIG BAD gifts. I’m excited to be able to do something exciting for him this time around. We’ll be doing his party at the bowling alley and I can’t wait to throw my ball into the gutter as always, haha.

Christopher is coming this weekend and I am beyond ecstatic to see him. We are doing a vegan thanksgiving feast.. yummmm…. the plan is to stay in our pajamas and watch movies all weekend, grab a bottle of wine and just be completely lazy. I can’t wait! We may get together with my friend Rachel and her love, Ben.. who I haven’t seen either of in a very long time. I miss my friends, but in a good way because I know everyone is happy and healthy, doing their own things and enjoying life, the way its supposed to be. I really couldn’t ask for much more… other than my wish for instantaneous uploading when ordering wedding proofs, but hey – ya can’t have bloody everything!